|
Written by Monika Holzer Sacks
|
Some tips to assist you:
- Have a theory of your situation.
- It is not sufficient to say that you have been the primary caregiver or that your spouse has the capacity to earn a reasonable living.
- You must put your theory into the context of the future family, livng in two households.
- If we wish to continue the fine job we have done of raising our children without a lot of outside help, it might be wise to to continue the children in my primary care for a year or two while I upgrade education/license/professional network.
- Do a budget for your future. The link to the one we use at Nichols, Sacks, Slank, Sendelbach & Buiteweg, PC is here.
- Work from raw data when possible, such as utility bills, mortgage statements, insurance invoices, tax bills, etc.
- Does your budget take into account the needs of your spouse? It is not realistic to prepare a budget that needs all or a huge percentage of the families after tax income for your household while the other spouse has less than enough to meet basic needs.
- Are you reasonably aware of your income from all sources?
- Can you reasonably quickly increase your income by becoming or changing your employment?
- Can you reduce expenses?
- Are you considering income or drains on incomes because of assets or debts you may end up with?
- Is there a gap between your budget needs and your likely income?
- There are only two ways to achieve a balanced budget
- Cut expenses reasonably (you cannot cut the mortgage; you can change your food and activities)
- Increase your income (convince your former spouse of the urgency and priority of your need, become employed, increase your hours, take in a boarder, barter for child care, etc.)
- Or a combination of the above
- Do you have a reasonably good idea of what your share of the family assets and debts will look like? Again, the spreadsheet form that we use at NSSSB is attached here.
- Do you have a family balance sheet?
- Distinguish pre-tax assets such as retirement funds from after-tax assets such as savings or vehicles. It is not equivalent to have one spouse retain a house with equity of $50,000 and the other spouse leave the marriage with a retirement account with a statement value of $50,000. There are taxes to be paid on the retirement asset while the house equity was purchased with your after tax income.
- If you do not have a family balance sheet, can you create one from your personal knowledge of your situation and the records at your disposal?
- Do you need formal or informal requests to produce data and records from your spouse?
- The less formal discovery you have to do (interrogatories, requests to produce, depositions, subpoenas, etc.), the more money you and your spouse will have to split between you or devote to your children.
- If family asset or income information is within the control of one spouse, the other is absolutely entitled to see it.
- Share it and expect it to be shared without a lot of legal bickering, if at all possible.
- Be worried, BE VERY WORRIED, if your attorney is not familiar with how to read financial reports, tax returns, credit reports, and balance sheets.
- If you are the more dependent spouse, recognize that your comfort in at least the near future depends in part on the goodwill of your soon to be former spouse. If matters are proceeding reasonably well, give some appreciative feedback. If they are not, go about the process of learning what you need to learn in a business-like manner. Take your feelings of betrayal to your therapist. This is the Zen of successful mediation!
- There is always an element of future prognosticating to be done, the accuracy of which can never be guaranteed. Still, it should not be sheer sloppy guesswork!
- The only way you AND your spouse can reach an effective settlement is when you each know you can have a reasonable life within your respective future budgets, given the property you will have and after support is paid or received!
- Your attorney's attitude is important to an effective outcome.
- If she or he is merely acting out your anger, you will be ill served. It will be you, not the lawyer, who will live with the lifelong legacy of that bitterness.
- If your attorney sells you on a settlement prospect that proves to be impossible, it is difficult to pull back. Time is wasted. Time is money.
- What if your attorney is telling you that he or she can get you a far better settlement at trial? First, that is likely bombast. Second, you have a viable alternative awaiting you, so why not try to reach a mediated or negotiated settlement that will be effective to you and the other side?!
|
